Thriving Together with Pat Kennedy
How’s it going, my tribe?! Today on Episode 81 of The Jenn Kennedy Show, my husband Patrick and I talk about all the things we have implemented into our lives so ensure our relationship is thriving during quarantine. Honestly, I don't even remember what month we're in anymore. April? May? Is it December already? Like where are we at right now? Who knows? All I can hope for you is that you're thriving right now because, in the Kennedy household, we really are.
When something's thriving in the Kennedy household, we like to identify it, celebrate it, and expand it. Instead of looking at our relationship as a series of highs and lows, I like to look at it as a never-ending journey that keeps going UP! Of course, there are going to be struggles along the way (I'm not saying we're perfect!), but I've found that this mindset of growth and gratitude has really made us closer and happier than ever.
It's really easy to focus on the bad, and sometimes it's necessary to work through a problem, but if we only focus on the bad things that are happening, our self-esteem, our energy levels, and our general happiness all decrease. With COVID-19 going on, it's easy to focus on what's going wrong, so Pat and I decided to do an episode together where we talk about what we've learned during this quarantine time and how it has positively impacted our marriage, love for each other, and honestly, my business.
Pat and I started April by making a commitment that we were going to come out of this quarantine better than we came into it. We're so thankful that we're both still working and healthy, and we're expressing that gratitude every day. We're working as a team, but still working on growing individually, and that’s one of the secrets to success.
Making Gratitude a Habit
During these past couple of months, my husband and I have both made a commitment to say our gratitudes daily. Finding things to appreciate and be thankful for is so powerful — especially if you do it throughout the day instead of just once or twice. It's an amazing way to recenter yourself on what really matters. Gratitude has shifted our view of this quarantine but also our lives together.
"What I've noticed through this quarantine is I've had the opportunity to slow down. You know, I still have work … but then I have all the other things off my plate and I've been able to really feel feelings …. Because you know, we're grateful for everything. We're grateful for everything now, and we're just living in this perpetual state of gratitude. Gratitude is happy. It feels good …. Like I see a bird and I'm just so happy and excited just that we're living in this place." - Patrick Kennedy
I couldn't have said it better myself, Pat. Gratitude is more than just saying, "I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that." It's a mindset that looks for the good in every situation, environment, and person and celebrates that goodness loudly and proudly.
Gratitude has a way of aligning us to focus on the things that bring us joy and happiness. And it isn't just a moment - it's a perpetual state. The difficult thing with gratitude is keeping it constant, so it's up to you to set those boundaries and really focus on the things you want to focus on. Once you get into this habit, it's harder to let things like stress, chaos, or frustration derail your day, because you're so accustomed to thinking positively!
So that's one thing Pat and I have been doing - just practicing gratitude every single day - being thankful for the little things and the big things, and letting that take our focus rather than negativity.
Living in Alignment With Each Other
So funny story — Pat and I went out for a walk with our dog Roxie the other day, and he was in charge of watching her, holding the clicker, and making sure she stayed out of trouble. We were both just talking and enjoying the sunny day when we both turned around to see Roxie just rolling in dog shit. It smelt absolutely awful. At that moment, I had an instinct to feel annoyed, mad, frustrated all at Pat. Like, “oh my God, Pat. This is why we have the clicker so shit like this doesn't happen… will you just pay attention?”
But I realized something at that moment and didn't say anything that my mind wanted. I could have focused only on what frustrated me at that moment and blown it up. Instead, I chose to view it as "funny" because honestly, it was. That could have happened to me too! It's not like Pat intentionally encouraged her to roll in shit. She's just a dog and dogs are funny like that.
Some couples choose to focus on everything wrong that their partner does. Like yes, sometimes Pat doesn't put his socks in the hamper. We could focus on that. But instead, we focus on everything else, because let's face it — the positive things are so much bigger and so much more important than dog shit or dirty socks.
Some couples are spending a lot more time together because of this quarantine, and I'm sure some are really struggling not to bite each other's heads off. When you're around someone all the time, you start finding things that bug you, but usually they're little things. Like, for instance, maybe they never shut the cabinets. Over time, you make these little things become big things if you choose to focus on them. Soon enough, you're yelling at each other for something as small as leaving a sock on the floor. Is that worth it? Instead, try to focus on the positive — what brings you joy. What makes you smile about your significant other? What makes you proud? Focus on those things.
Sometimes when we're feeling happy, we feel like we're riding a wave. We're at the top of the wave, and everything is beautiful, but we know that we can't ride it forever. Soon enough, we'll lose our balance. The wave will crash on top of us, and we'll have saltwater in our nose… (I can’t be the only one that’s happened to?) But I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be like that. You can stay on this wave of positivity and just keep riding. There's not a limit! It's not too good to be true!
Pat and I have committed ourselves to ride this wave together. We're always asking ourselves — how much better can we get? How much higher can we ride? We intentionally chose to expand our joy rather than sabotage it. When little things start bothering us again, we take a moment to center ourselves, to focus on what matters.
What matters more? The fact that Roxie rolled in shit or that Pat and I were walking hand in hand on the trail? I think you know the answer.
Working and Adjusting as a Team
During this quarantine, we both have a new level of responsibility in our work and life. I’ve been super busy - working on my podcast, diving into new business endeavors, leading free webinars, so many great things! Pat's been working at home too, so it's been a new season for both of us. Each workday is super packed, and our attention is constantly diverted to our work.
As I poured into the excitement that the business and impact brings, Pat started bringing me fresh cups of coffee, glasses of water, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. One day, I looked at him and told him I felt extremely guilty because he was taking care of me and still working a full-time job. I said something like, "I'll be a better wife next week."
"We're a team. This is how it works. You needed more support … You were launching something. I'm able to give you the support, and it brings me joy... You were thinking it was a burden, and you felt like you were a burden, but it's not a burden for me." - Patrick Kennedy
Our team might look a little different than it did a month ago, but it's the same team of two people who love each other and have a shared goal of success. My guilt was telling me I was being selfish by letting Pat take care of me, but communicating that replaced the guilt with assurance rather than shame. There are no roles in our house. It's not my role to clean the dishes or his role to take out the trash. There are things in the house that need to get done, and we do them together. When one of us has less time, the other picks up the slack, and vice versa.
It's good to have a working definition of what a "team" is because honestly, that definition changes throughout different walks of life. During this quarantine, I encourage you to have conversations with your partner about what your team looks like and how your team should adjust in different situations. I'm SO grateful that Pat and I have been making that our priority.
Grow Together, Grow Individually
Pat and I truly believe that every relationship can be healthy, fulfilling, happy, and just plain amazing. We hope this episode encouraged you to grow in the way you want with your partner or spouse! The strength in our relationship all goes back to having gratitude, focusing on the positive, and adjusting as a team to mutually support each other.
One last thing Pat wanted to make sure everyone fully internalized was that individual growth is something that really makes relationships work. Your job is not to be the parent of your partner and micromanage their growth journey… trust me, I tried doing this for the first two years of our relationship, it doesn’t work. Your job is to support the hell out of them on their growth journey. Then the relationship just comes together with two people who are both dedicated to self-improvement, and the whole thing works like magic.
Growth does not mean weakness. Growth is strength, and it only becomes stronger when you're doing it together with someone who loves and supports you.
I really hope you enjoy this episode, and as always, share it with your friends and tag us if you loved it! We love to see you guys in action with us and growing on your own.
